All that glitters…..

….. seems to be karma FUCKING with my head!

I don’t swear, I really don’t… but I am absolutely confused at the moment. My brain feels like a magic 8 ball at an uncertain circumstances conference.

On a monthly basis, I get a call from a headhunter/recruiter asking me “are you sure you don’t want to move?”. He actually has forwarded me details and opportunities of major companies who are interested in people who do stuff that I do. I know and relate to a lot of these companies, and have actually interviewed with a couple, but it just doesn’t seem to be the right time to switch jobs. Today, he came to me with a job opportunity in Abu Dhabi with a confirmed interview whenever I want one. Sounds good right? Here’s why it’s a bitch….

I wrote yesterday about the wedding that I attended at the weekend. What I did not talk about was what actually went down there. I was seated opposite some guy I didn’t know, and we kicked off our conversation with him attempting a joke, and me responding with a punchline. We both laughed – the ice was broken. Over the next two and a half hours we had wide ranging conversations (without actually knowing who each of us were); he introduced me to his mom, wife and daughter. We had a conversation of how it was a bad time to switch jobs to the Middle East (which his daughter was offered for a year, but the opportunity fell through). My mom was elsewhere, and when she came by our table, it turns out that the guy and mom were classmates. The guy and I also had conversations on a personal level, and he was literally grilling me of my past, of what my plans were for the future; he almost asked me my version of the meaning of life. The question at which we swapped details were on the lines of – “Are you single/available?”. From the corner of my eye I could see my dad having one of those smiles on his face which read – there is a plan to be hatched here. When I got mingling with people a little while later, an aunt of mine kept dragging me and introducing me to random people…. on my way home the penny finally dropped on WHY she was introducing me… (I am blonde around the edges ). But what does this have to do with the first bit?… well, besides the bad time to take up a job in the ME bit….

The last 8 months have been terribly hard for me. It’s the first time in 6 years that I am actually alone or not with a significant other. I miss having that someone to speak to; there is a little something else which a better half brings which maybe the best of friends cannot. Whats adding to this frustration is the daily anxiety which I face at work…

For the last ten days or so, I have been madly frustrated with things at work. We have a strategic team at work who seem to be totally off the ball. Yesterday morning, I had a HUGE rant at my boss. I put in front of him evidence of poor performance and decision making coming from that entire team of 5, and also pointed to him instances of where clients were actually complaining back or were airing their frustrations. My boss supposedly had a word with their team leader…. and guess what… I found 4 more instances of screw-ups today – DONE TODAY!! I was seething… really really really boiling; I showed it to my boss who said that he was going to deal with it. The point is – I have been raising these things for the last 6 months, but nothing seems to be changing. Circumstances like these lead to people changing jobs.

Which brings me to this guy who calls me on a monthly basis….

MaliZOMG asked earlier on twitter – how does everyone else let off steam…. my response – I blog.

This is how clouded my head is at the moment. At any other time since I started working, I would pounce at the opportunities which I am being offered. People have been on my case since 2004 to get settled down, and although I can manage their persistent efforts, I for the first time feel lonesome… and I am the type of person who doesn’t do solo… so it’s killing me. For 6 weeks, I held on to my resolution of not complaining about the work of other people, but I cannot keep shush when people are just not doing what they should do – everyone has a job to do exactly that – so that they perform  for the company; I am not asking everyone to work at 100% all the time, I can do with 60% with consistency… but it’s not happening.

What should I do? *Shakes magic 8 ball*